Vitoria, BR - Of Cats and Turtles

The cat purrs, urging me to listen by taking my hand in his paws. As he does he’s saying, “listen to me! OOMMMM.”

Any one of a thousand turtles pops its head above the water when I’m looking down in thought or up in thought. She said, “HEY! Stop thinking! Stop thinking about yourself! There are fucking sea turtles here! Mad sea turtles! You really wanna miss this?!” 

Thank you, turtle…you curious fuck. They’re all a bunch of curious fucks. And they’re hard to keep track of. I’m playing whack-a-mole with my eyes. Only, I’m not bashing things. I’m waiting for one of those majestic bastards to really show off. Float around. Surface. Spin around and show me their goods. 

…Maybe swim along next to me for a minute and make sense of the un-previously expected amount of exertion it takes to peddle a kayak around this seemingly tranquil harbor.  So, I keep searching them out for the duration of the ride when I deemed it necessary to circumvent this tropical residential island. And they just keep exposing themselves briefly. 

“Oh shit!” I almost ran into one. “That’s not what I was asking for…fucking guy!”

It’s a serene place, if you allow yourself to experience it as such. 

Unfortunately, since the water is deep, I keep thinking about sharks. Like I’m going to be the lucky one who gets rammed and attacked by a wide-mouthed predator for the first time in history in this part of central-eastern Brazil. 

“Pay attention to the wind and the sun and the turtles (for fuck’s sake,)” I remind myself. 

The sharks are in my mind. Dorsal fins on the amygdala.

I return to shore and the vacant apartment building where I know no one. I’m alone with my insanity again, I fear. 

But no. A lonely cat that doesn’t feel sorry for itself greets me warmly. He really wants to lay his chin on my forearm and jab me with his paws. 

So, I let him. And I allow myself to be paralyzed on the couch for his sake and, somehow, for mine as well.