I asked the world to die…

I didn’t know anything would happen. But it did die.

It was 2019, and I didn’t like my life. I drove people around 12 hours a day, then came home to lie on the couch, watch TV, and drink. A small existence. I didn’t have a lot of friends or romance. No point in planning for the weekend. I was ashamed to tell people what I did for money. I lived in a low place on Earth.

Sometimes I’d end the work day so disappointed I’d grind my teeth and say to myself, “I want the world and everyone in it to die.” Never mind that that world contained lots of people I loved and who loved me.

“World, will you please die?”

It wasn’t something I said a lot. Usually, when I became that low and indifferent to all mankind, I’d regret it later — afraid of myself for being capable of such hate — the kind of frame of mind that inspires school shooters and suicide bombers.

And in wanting the world to burn horribly…I wasn’t the only one, was I?

I wished for the world to die because I was living a small life, and subconsciously, I hated myself for not having the courage to be bigger — to fail or succeed. I wanted the world to die so I could die small with it.

Unfortunately for the world, I got my wish. I’m only one man, so maybe it wasn’t quite the armageddon I was looking for, but one November day, I heard about a new virus circulating around Wuhan that authorities were trying to contain by quarantining the city and erecting new hospitals at an exponential speed.

Nothing happened. I didn’t need to make much money. I was allowed to be very late in paying my rent.

Time stood still, and though I got older, very little bothered me about my status in life. No one asked me what I did, and it didn’t matter that I didn’t have a career. I was blessed. I also had an endless amount of time to figure things out while everyone wore their masks and crossed the street instead of passing each other on the sidewalk.

I shouldn’t say ‘nothing’ happened.’ A lot happened. Covid-19 killed millions of people.

I remember my heart breaking for a Brazilian girl appealing to Facebook for prayers for her mother, who would succumb days later to complications from the virus. I had several more friends who lost their parents to covid. Lives were ruined. Tragedy became an expected circumstance, and they lived in fear.

I never got covid. Not once. Easy days. Things got better for me.

That is to say, I felt bad for the request I made.

Not so much anymore. I can’t take credit for covid and all the other large-scale catastrophes that befell other earthlings in recent years. There’s been a lot of anger. A lot of sniffing and yearning to hurt each other. So much so that these demons find their outlets in various uncivilized forms.

Maybe I wished for existence to end because I was having such a hard time…but I’m not the only one.

I’m simply admitting that evil forces brought humanity down to my level.

The human race is still spiralling towards oblivion through endless conflicts over increasingly scarce resources — our greed is killing us.

I learned too late how much I had to be grateful for.